put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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