toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You may now shotgun with the bride
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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