i barfeds in our rink
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was confusing and full of hummus
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
