I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
