hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
