Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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