using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I believe in your delicious
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
