I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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