I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
