I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
