Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
