grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
