obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
