What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We need to rekindle our bromance
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
