i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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