what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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