Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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