Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
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woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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