This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
