if i can run in heels then i can drive
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize