A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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