I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
