Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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