Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
