Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
