My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
