you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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