idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
