pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
