Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
