I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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