i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
