You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
