Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
