Heybabeimwearingurpanties
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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