Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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