Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
