I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
