we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
