Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
