i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize