did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize