T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We need a shit load of segways right now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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