The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
