There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
