Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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