It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
