I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No more Irish car bombs ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
