i permit you to call me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
