Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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