3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
