No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize