And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
