I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
