Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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