In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
