dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
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Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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