We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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