This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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