Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
