Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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